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April 7th, 2005
10:26 am
So much has happened, I don't know if I can write about it all. We had the hatching, and we have a very good group this time. Bixby Impressed, he's now X'y, and I really need to talk with him. I don't want to make an enemy of him.
A rennegade was captured and we were holding him. I was so stupid. He got away. It was terrifying, he grabbed my arm and made me let him go. Why didn't I call Wiyaneth...It was horrible, it was a mistake. I shouldn't be aloud to be a weyrwoman. I'm incompetant, despite what X'an says. He got away, and it's all my fault. We couldn't find him. I should have...should have...should have...
I need to go study.
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March 17th, 2005
02:37 pm
Bixby apologized. I feel a little better.
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02:27 pm - Respect?
I don't know why it is but I just can't seem to get people to respect me. I mean, I ask for things and I ask people to do things but unless it's Healer related most people just shrug me off. It's really frustrating. All Wiyaneth has to do is look at someone the right way and they're scurrying off to do her bidding, but me? Nah, it's just Elara, she can't do anything to me, why listen to her?
Like yesterday, I'd been up most of the night before helping in the Infirmary (we've got a rash of illness going around the weyr because of the rain) and all of that day, and that night I was taking a break in the Living Cavern. I saw someone eating an obscene amount of food, and I thought it was L'ack. You know how he binge eats sometimes. So I started telling him he needed to stop. Well, it turns out it wasn't L'ack, it was one of our Candidates Bixby. Then when I told him his punishment for being up so late and out of bed and impersonating a rider (he didn't tell me he /wasn't/ L'ack until we'd been in a conversation for at least 10 minutes!) he got really upset and started arguing with me! A Candidate arguing with a Weyrwoman? I know I don't really fit my role or enforce any of the saluting stuff but still! Tradition at least should have given me some respect, right?
I almost cried, it was awful! Bixby was arguing with me and debating my authority and it was just awful. I felt so inadequate as a Weyrwoman. I'm just awful. Then Alisar came in and he seemed to be handling everything much better than I was so I left. I just don't know what it is about me that very few people listen to me and do what I ask. Am I too nice? Perhaps I should look angry more often. But that's not me...so what do I do? It's just sad. I already think I'm not the greatest Weyrwoman to begin with, but to have my authority ignored by a Candidate...? That doesn't send me the most encouraging message.
I'm going to sleep with Wiyaneth tonight.
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March 2nd, 2005
02:25 pm
(* I finally finished a picture of Wiyaneth:
http://www.angelfire.com/az2/quinar/wiyaneth.htm
Enjoy!)*
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March 1st, 2005
07:59 pm
Saw Sala today finally. It's been a while since we've been able to catch each other. Charity is growing so quickly! I hope she and Kimmila become good friends, along with Sala's second child. I hope Sala is happy. I know she and I have different views on romance, but I do hope she is happy.
I'm going to be the Weyrlingmaster this time. I'm quite nervous. Sala is going to assist, and I'm so glad she agreed to do so, but I'm still nervous. I've never been good with confrontation, what if the weyrlings don't listen to me? What if they just look at me and laugh? I've never taught before. Wiyaneth says she'll deal with any troublemakers. I'll be very busy with all my work and Kimmila, but I know that S'vitaur and A'rtomus and Sala will be huge helps in getting everything done. Especially the FWEE project. More about that later, it's still a bit of a secret. Kimmila calls, bye!
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February 28th, 2005
02:51 pm - Kimmila!
I know I should have written about this sooner (being that is an important occasion and all) but I have been so shocked and amazed and tired that I have not had a moment. My daughter has been born. Our daughter. A'rtomus' and mine. He wa- (and Wiyaneth's and Nemmenth's too of course). A'rtomus was the father after all. The resemblance to him is unmistakable. I think S'vitaur was sad. I didn't know what to say. Perhaps one day I could...I don't know.
Kimmila was born in the late summer evening, when Wiyaneth said the stars were shining down upon Pern with a loving glow. Poor Auberaan was kidnapped from Western and brought by S'vitaur when I started to go into labor. The pain was intense at first, but my beloved queen took it from me so I could give birth in (relative) peace. Auberaan and A'rtomus were there for the birth, and I was never more grateful for Auberaan's skill as a Healer. I do believe he is the only person on Pern Wiyaneth trusted enough to help birth our baby. S'vitaur (green, poor guy) and X'an were waiting outside.
When Kimmila was born I can not describe the emotions which flooded into my heart. My child. My little baby girl, so tiny, so precious. A'rtomus and I are so very happy. X'an and S'vitaur came back in and everyone was so sweet. I don't remember much, but X'an gave Kimmila the nickname 'little petal' and it's stuck. Wiyaneth named Kimmila. She bespoke Auberaan, A'rtomus and I, and I believe she said something to Kimmila as well but she's not saying anything to me about that. She looked down at the newborn babe and said simply, 'her name is Kimmila'. Who were A'rtomus and I to argue with her? She is the boss after all. (*Here the writing scribbles a bit, as if the writer were nudged by a broad golden muzzle*)
Kimmila is very healthy and not sleeping through the night. I'm exhausted, and find myself taking naps with her as often as I can. I am fortunate to have such a good staff that I may take these breaks and not have the weyr fall apart.
Oh, S'vitaur's project! We're going to cultivate the woods outside of Fort. More on that later, it's still in the planning stages and I'd like to keep it a secret. Not that anyone would read this anyway.
I love Kimmila with all my heart. Even as much as Wiyaneth, I believe. And Wiyaneth loves her too. Kimmila is already very comfortable around Wiyaneth, which surprised me. Not many babies are.
I am a mother.
(*The next few lines are written in different types of text, some flowing, some printed, all of the same name*)
Kimmila
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February 16th, 2005
02:51 pm - Clothes!
I picked up the outfits that Ekorys was making for me - they are fantastic! I really do like them. I wish I could write more but S'vitaur wants to speak to me about some sort of project. I do hope it's fast, I am getting more tired by the day, it seems. Wiyaneth was dryly amused when I was complaining last night. I can not imagine what it is like to carry ten to twelve eggs around!
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February 14th, 2005
02:43 pm - Still Pregnant...
I'm growing larger by the day, it seems! I have spoken to our new WeyrWeaver Ekorys and he is going to make some outfits for me. I am a little concerned that they will be too flamboyant, but I know I will wear them however they come out. The man obviously has skill with a needle; everything he makes is of very good quality. I still don't like tea, but I miss it anyway. Klah settles my cravings but it has such a foul taste! I will be glad when this part of the pregnancy is over.
I was right, A'rtomus was thrilled when I told him. Very, very happy. I am so glad. Wiyaneth has taken to hovering over me, and she holds the growing baby in the back of her mind as if it were one of her own eggs. It's difficult to explain, but I believe she has already had contact with the baby. I asked her about it, and she only replied that the candidates get to touch her eggs before they hatch, why can't she check on the baby? I haven't asked her any more about it, I know she is being gentle. She is still very excited, and while she always gives the air of eternal patience, I know she can hardly contain herself and wait until the day comes along that the baby will be born.
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February 2nd, 2005
02:24 pm - Pregnant!
I have never been one to write down my thoughts, (who would read them!), but it seems I will have more time now. I discovered yesterday that I was pregnant and I think I should record things for my child to read when she or he is older. It is amusing to me, here I am a pediatric Healer and I could not even recognize the signs in myself. When I suddenly stoped liking tea it should have been a clue, but I was unaware until another Healer pulled me into the Infirmary.
So, I am pregnant with my first child. I haven't told anyone yet, though I know A'rtomus will be very excited. I myself am excited, but scared also. I am not certain the child is A'rtomus'. Oh, forgive me for saying such a thing in writing, what will people think if they should find this journal tucked beneath my pillows in the corner of my room. But I am not sure. The timing is close enough to Wiyaneth's Flight which S'vitaur's Memminith won that I am not certain. I hope A'rtomus is not angry with me. I am not certian whom I would prefer...I love A'rtomus with all my heart but I also care for S'vitaur as a dear friend, and I would love to give him and X'an a child for us to raise. It's a selfish thought I know but I so like to be needed. I know A'rtomus will make a wonderful father to the child, regardless of his or her parentage. So I believe I shall be happy with whatever the outcome. What am I saying, of course I will be happy! My first born child! Can you imagine? I have always wanted a family.
Wiyaneth is - of course - extatic, in her own quiet way. When I told her it was truly the first time I have seen her display joy. She has felt it before of course, but this time she showed it, trumpeting to the whole Weyr. I was so embarassed! I will go see the dolphins at Fort Sea Hold soon, but I do not want to know the baby's gender. I need to tell A'rtomus. He will be so happy!
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